Wanna Save Your Marriage(Part 6) The Wife's Role

Hello From An Ally!

I realize from the beginning that some may already have their guard up.  Today's strongly feminist culture does not exactly lend a hand to the idea of biblical womanhood.  It also does not help that many, many men have no idea what it means to be the spiritual head and have biblical authority, thus it has been abused tremendously.  In many households there is a real tug of war happening that makes both people miserable and robs God of the glory He deserves.

If you have not read my post regarding the husband's role, I invite you in fact, I beg you to do so as it will clarify for you any concerns you may have regarding my conception of what the man's God-given role is as husband.  You can find it here.

You Are Incredibly Valuable!

In hopes that you have let your guard down enough to hear what I have to say, let's get started.  First I would like to challenge you and encourage you by saying that as the woman in your marriage, you can be an honorable helpmate or a horrendous hindrance.  You have the capacity to make or break your husband in many ways.  

God can and does intervene.  He certainly will not allow any more hindrance than he has already planned for.  I say this because I want you to understand the power that God has given you as an ordained helpmate for your husband.  

Proverbs 31:10-11 says, "A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies.  Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value."  

It goes on to describe the many endearing qualities of a wife who works hard both inside and outside of the home in many different ways to help take care of her family.  She is praised by her husband and her children call her blessed.  I don't know many woman who do not want that response from their family.

What If You Are Not Valued Appropriately?

Now those results, in my experience, presume that the husband is not only a believer, but is dedicated to being a loving, godly husband and is helping to raise children who will recognize and appreciate the value of their mother.  

What about the times when that is not the case?  What about those unfortunate times when the wife, maybe mother, has to look to God as her only source of love and adoration.  What are God's instructions to the wife of a disobedient husband; whether he is a believer or not?  What does God say about how to treat a husband who does not value his wife.  

This is a husband who is not loving his wife sacrificially as Christ loved the church and is not striving toward making her holy by the washing of water with the word.  He is selfish, thoughtless, if not down right insulting, and harsh on a regular basis.

What then?

Submission Is God's Idea, Not Your Husbands

Ephesians 5:22-24 says, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

Colossians 3:18 says, "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."

Now, before you bug out and begin reacting strongly to the word "submit", let me clarify a couple of things.

1.) Submission is not the same thing as obedience.  Nor does it suggest inferiority.  Submission speaks simply to levels of authority.  Jesus is submitted to the will of the Father but He is in no way inferior to the Father.  The church is to be submitted to Jesus but at no time is the church spoken of as inferior.  The church is the bride of Christ and He died for her.  The church submits to Christ because she loves him and wants to honor his love for her.

2.) Your overarching responsibility is to Christ.  Notice both of these verses state submission to your husband being "as to the Lord" or "as is fitting in the Lord".

What Is The Purpose Of Submission When My Husband Is Not In Line With God?

1 Peter 3:1-2 says, "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of  them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."  

Why should you?  What do you care if they are won over?  They are treating you poorly. What is your motivation?

CHRIST!

1 Peter 2:21-25, has just gotten finished describing that all of us, men and women were like sheep gone astray.  When people were hurling insults at Jesus and He was enduring the suffering of persecution and the cross, He made no threats.  He did not retaliate.  Though we rejected Him, he bore our sins.  

Vs. 21 states, "To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps."  

Though that passage is to both genders, after this passage, Peter then begins his instructions to wives to be submissive, in the same way.  Showing sacrificial love in hopes of winning your husbands over.

Once again, as husbands and wives, we submit and selflessly love out of our love for Christ and what He has done for us, regardless of the behavior of our spouse.

Humility Breeds Compassion

In Romans 12:3 Paul states, "For by the grace given me I say to everyone of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you."

I did not use this scripture in my post to husbands, and in it's context, it is not speaking directly to marriage.  However, I did make this point to husbands as well.  Humility of heart is key in your Christian walk regarding everyone you engage.  It should be of special importance in your marriage.  

Jesus was humble of heart(Matthew 11:28-30) and He is our example.  If we remain continually aware of where we would be without God's grace it will humble us and should create an attitude of gratitude.  Gratitude for the grace that saved you from being the wretched sinner that you were and carries through the process of sanctification in which you become more and more like Christ. 

This realization should help us to have compassion for anyone that is struggling with any areas of sin.  Even if that sin is against us.  

This should be the case all the more toward our spouses.

Stick With It...SAFELY!

Perseverance is key in any good marriage.  Just like it takes a lifetime for Jesus to get us (the Church) where He wants us to be before He takes us home, it takes a lifetime of God-submitted effort to have an enduring marriage to enjoy.  

Yes, there are rough spots.  There are sad times and mad times.  However, sometimes the mad times can create dangerous times.  Most often this is a case of danger for the wife because of a mad, drunk, or high husband with a hot temper whom is inclined toward abuse.

Now, I want to make this point very carefully.  Submission does not mean that your husband can demand anything of you that is contrary to God's word.  Nor does it mean he can walk all over you. 

You are not a doormat and you can say so!

At the same time, scripture also does not suggest that an abusive situation is an acceptable reason for divorce.  Many do not agree, but I promise you, it is not in scripture.

There are only two biblically acceptable reasons for divorce.  One is adultery.  The other is if one spouse is an unbeliever and they choose to leave the marriage, the believer is not commanded to follow.  These are allowable, but not mandated.  God's ideal scenario would be that we stick it out and love them and pray our spouse through it.

With that said, I do not believe that just because divorce is not condoned in the case of abuse, this means that you have to stay in an unsafe situation.  

At this point, family and your church elders need to get involved.  They need to provide you safety, and they need to challenge this disobedient, abusive husband.    

As the wife, scripture says that even in this scenario, you are to show the love of Christ at every opportunity.  If he leaves and insists on remaining unrepentant, then you are off the hook, if you want to be.  I have known several women in this kind of scenario that have testimonies of sticking it out, loving their husbands, praying for their husbands, and seeing them get saved and their marriages restored.  It can be done.  However, it requires a strong relationship with Jesus that is fed by prayer and the study of His word.

Prayer

When all else has failed and you don't know what to do, pray, pray, pray!  "The effective prayer of a righteous person has much power"(James 5:16).  

When you think you can't take it anymore and you just want to give up, pray, pray, pray! "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you"(James 1:5).  

"Pray without ceasing"(1 Thessalonians 5:17).  

"Pray with thanksgiving and praise"(Psalm 95:, Philippians 4:4-7).  "Thanksgiving for what?" you might ask.  Thanksgiving that even when you feel alone, you are not alone.  Jesus is right there loving you and giving you strength.  God said he will never leave you nor forsake you and because of that we should have courage.(Deuteronomy 31:6)

And of course the most important example is Jesus who gave us the Lords prayer when asked how we should pray(Matthew 6:9-13).

Conclusion

I hope this has been illuminating, if not helpful.  Just as with any relationship, our marriages require commitment, work, and an intimate relationship with a Holy God and a Suffering Savior.  One who can identify with our pain and suffering; and has the ability to be strong for us in our weakness.  

That is, of course, if we want our marriages to be all that God intended them to be.  You have to want it badly.  Also, remember that you are a precious, valuable commodity.  Part of what makes that so is your God-given gift to be what your husband needs, even when he does not know he needs it.  

You are his helpmate.  God put you with your husband because he made you to compliment him and strengthen him in his weaknesses.  That makes you unbelievably special.  As you grow in grace through that experience, you will learn things about yourself that you could not have learned any other way.

It's Not Always Pretty Or What Makes Us Happy

Our success in difficulty also depends on our ability by God's grace, to find satisfaction in God's glory in every situation, even if it means that situation has to be negative for a time.  As I mentioned toward the end of the post entitled "How To Suffer Well", when we understand that our greatest satisfaction will be found when God is most glorified in our lives, then we will want to be in God's will in the most biblical way possible.  

Keeping God's glory in view helps us to have our aim on something other than our own happiness.  This will help drive biblical obedience which will then result in the best possible scenario for our lives.  It is in our best interest to honor God's zeal for His own glory because 

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him"-John Piper.

I will end with Philippians 4:4-7 because it is one scripture that exemplifies the idea stated above, in some ways it defines the whole post.  It says, 

"Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

May it be so in your personal walk and in your marriage.

In Jesus name,

Amen.

Wanna Save Your Marriage (Part 5 ) How to Suffer Well

Wait, What!?!

How to suffer well?!  What kind of an idea is that!  I shouldn't have to suffer in my marriage.  If their not gonna change and I can't be happy then I'm getting out!  Ever heard that before?  Ever heard someone else give that terrible advice to someone who is unhappy in their marriage?  I have.  More times than I would like to think about.  

I have also heard many sad stories of coworkers or family, very recently, who are in marriages that they want to fight for but their spouse's heart is not in it.  What do you do in that situation? How do you fight every natural sinful, selfish inclination to look out for #1?  Why should you?  

I just want to make it clear that at no time am I suggesting that a healthy understanding of suffering makes it a snap to deal with.  It is called suffering for a reason.  God does, however promise to walk with us through it.

Empathy

Listen, I have been there and so has my beautiful wife.  We have both experienced moments in our twelve (now fifteen) year marriage and the six years of dating prior to,  when we were not very happy with each other.  If we were going to break up or get divorced for the reasons that people often do these days, it would have already happened.  

Thankfully, we are both pigheadedly committed to our marriage vows and deeply don't want to hurt our children however, there have been times that it was almost like emotional divorce, even though we would never actually legally divorce.  

That, my friends, can be just as painful as the real thing.  It has that tiny glimmer of hope that you are still together and it might improve.  

Gratefully for us it has.

So What Now?

The fact is that most marriages have rough spots.  Spouses do not typically remain exactly the same forever. They grow in their faith or lack there of.  Common interest's sometimes change and become less common between you.  Sometimes they experience health issues that affect how they act toward you or others. Depression is a big challenge in this day.  Sometimes busy lives, work distractions, and a lack of communication form a gap that creates an undercurrent of bitterness or resentment in one spouse or the other, or both, that is not always apparent until it has become a serious problem.  

I have already published my post to men regarding their responsibilities in marriage and ways that they can positively effect change.  Before I publish my post to women regarding their unbelievably important and invaluable role as wife and helpmate, I want to share with you some ways in which the bible addresses suffering.  Suffering in marriage can certainly be experienced by either spouse, but there are some particularly unique ways in which women tend to suffer in marriage at times.

What I will say here does no apply only to suffering in marital struggles. We need a working knowledge of what to expect and how to handle all suffering.  Please journey with me.

What Does Scripture Say?

As I have grown in my knowledge and understanding of scripture I have become keenly aware of the Spirit's use of that knowledge to change my heart and hold me accountable in my marriage and in life.  

Whether it is caused by persecution from perfect strangers or coworkers, it is the result of emotional struggles within a family, or it is your own illness or the illness of someone else, suffering is very real.  We need to know what the bible says and how it is applicable.  

Before we get to the less pleasant realities of suffering in this life lets look to the hope that the future holds for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Suffering Won't Last For Believers

2 Corinthians 4:7-18 gives us the hope that we need to hang on through any and all trials and tribulations. Verses 7-15 essentially state that no matter what suffering we must endure, whether emotional, physical, psychological, or spiritual we must remember that we are but jars of clay, carrying the glorious gospel of Jesus Christ, and awaiting the eternal resurrection that will be obtained through the consummation of all things at Christ's triumphant return.  

Verses 16-18 tells us that, 

"we do not loose heart.  Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."  

This is great news that must be revisited in order that it may carry us through past, present, and future sufferings.  Always keep your eyes on Jesus and run the race with confidence that victory is certain as long as you persevere.(Matthew 24:13, 2 Peter 1:8-10) 

Now on to the realities that we must in fact face until this eternal glory, free of suffering, comes to pass.

Expect To Suffer In This Life

Don't get me wrong, you don't have to walk around fearing it.  But you should expect it.  The triumphalist ideal that God doesn't want you to suffer; and that at the cross Jesus wiped out all suffering related to this short life here on earth that is not directly related to persecution, is inaccurate.  The Apostle Paul, as well as many other faithful men of God have suffered persecution, emotional trials and physical ailments, and it was not because they lacked faith or obedient devotion to their Lord and Savior.

As we will see, many a scripture speaks to the character building purposes of the allowance of suffering in this life.   Jesus in no way shied away from the idea that we would endure suffering for his names sake.  He called us to take up our cross, an instrument of torture, and follow him on a path of self-sacrifice for the glory of the Father.  Jesus explained in Matthew 10:34-36 that "a man's enemies will be the members of his own household."  In John 16:33 Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world.  Paul spoke extensively about his own suffering, rejoiced in it, and instructed us to do the same.  He expected that if he was going to walk in the footsteps of a Suffering Savior, that he could expect to suffer as well(Colossians 1:24, Philippians 3:10).  He understood that there was glory to be gained for the Father through our suffering; and revelation to be had, of the Father's goodness and faithfulness through suffering.

Suffering Is Necessary For Growth

Romans 5:3-5, "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
James 1:2-4, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
 Romans 8:18, "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

-God ordains all blessing and suffering(Isaiah 45:7).  He has a purpose for it.  As explained, it produces perseverance, character and hope.  This hope grows, with the character, through the perseverance.  This hope is what carries us through the suffering.  We are to rejoice.  But how, you ask?  We must keep an eternal perspective.  We must always see every trial as preparation for the glory to come.  We must remember this life is but a vapor(James 4:14).

Not Alone In Our Suffering

1 Peter 4:12-13, "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed"

Now I will grant you that, especially if you continue reading through vs. 19, this suffering is more in reference to suffering persecution for Christ's name.  However, there are absolutely times when suffering in marriage comes at least in part as persecution from your spouse and maybe other family members for converting to Christianity.  It could also come in the face of doing what is right in the eyes of God regarding your marriage even if your believing spouse is not.

1 Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man."

-We must remember this.  Make no mistake, trials and suffering will lead to temptations.  Temptations to retaliate or leave when we should stay, for example.  They are all common to anyone who is suffering.  We must remember that Christ endured suffering, rejection, and temptation.  He knows your struggles and He promises to walk with you through them.

God Will See You Through

Isaiah 43:1-2, "But now, this is what the Lord says.  He who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel:  Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."

Psalm 34:17-19, "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; He protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken."

Many scholars believe that the last line about the broken bones is a reference to Jesus who had not one bone broken on the cross.  The overall picture of these scriptures is that we will suffer.  However, we can cry out to God and we can expect that He will be there with us, sustaining us, and restoring us on the other side.  Ultimately, He will deliver us from all suffering for eternity through the consummation of all things at Christ's return.

Suffering Brings Us Closer To God

There are other scriptures that speak to this but one of my favorites is from the book of Job.  Job is a book entirely devoted to the doctrine of suffering.  Many things are discussed through this wonderful book but what is most precious to me at this point comes from Job 42:5.  

After a rather intense, mostly one-sided discussion between Job and God in Job Ch.38-41, Job realizes his fault in daring to question the sovereign God of the universe about his own suffering and loss. He is not however, embittered or ill that he did not get all the answers.  No, you see, God spends a lengthy period of time speaking of His clear control in creating and setting into motion EVERYTHING that comes to pass from massive storms to massive animals and from the highest heavens to the depths of the sea.

It is not that we do not exert our will and have responsibility for our actions.  It is that God was there at the beginning, He is here observing and interacting with His creation, and He will be there at the end.  He is ALWAYS in control.

What is Job's response in Job 42:5?  

"My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you." 

That's beautiful.  The revelation that Job gained of the awesome majesty of a Holy God was priceless.  It brought him closer in his relationship with his Heavenly Father.  As it happens God restored all that Job had lost and then some.  That is not promised in this life, but it is in the life to come.

Rejoice In Your Suffering.

If you read Job 42:1-6 you get a sense of joyful repentance.  He is sorrowful in repentance at his pride in questioning God, yet there is a joy to be had in the new revelation he has of God.  Did you notice in Romans 5:3-5, James 1:2-4, and 1 Peter 4:12-13 that we are instructed to rejoice, be joyful, or count it all joy that we suffer.  Do you find it odd that scripture teaches this.  

The reason for this is found in the surrounding subtitles of this paragraph.  Through suffering we come to know God the Father better, we become more aware of the Holy Spirit's empowering presence and we become more dependent on Jesus.  Rejoice in suffering because through suffering, we are conformed more and more into the image of God that we were originally intended to reflect.

Jesus Is There

These are but a few of a multitude of scriptures that speak to the reality of suffering, the purpose of suffering, and of hope in suffering.  I want to give one more reference straight from the mouth of Jesus.  Though it is applicable to times of suffering, it is really intended as a call to surrender your life to Him with the promise that He will help you bear the load.  It is found in Matthew 11:28.  

In it Jesus states, "Come unto me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls."

Let's think of this another way.  God's purpose for our existence is two fold: glory and enjoyment.

The Westminster Shorter Catechism is a set of questions and answers created long ago in order to help children and new Christians think through the most important doctrines taught in scripture.  My family and I are learning this now through our church.

It states in the answer to it's first question, "What is Man's Chief End (purpose)?"  The answer:  "Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever."  

When you learn to trust him, you learn to rest in him, then you can enjoy him.  In all of these aspects, He will be glorified through your life.  Pastor/Author John Piper has coined the phrase, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.".

Learn to be satisfied in God and all that He is through the scriptures, and He will be more than enough for you when times are tough and those whom you love most on earth are not satisfying your needs....it may just save your marriage.  Consequently, He will be glorified all the more in your life, thus creating an awesome Christian witness...and THAT we should want, because people will want to know how in the world you can seem so satisfied and joyful in the midst of trial and tribulation.  Then you get to explain the joy of knowing Jesus.  What an awesome privilege.

I pray this encourages you through the hard times, in marriage, or anything else in life.

Sincerely,

Josh

Wanna Save Your Marriage?(Part 4) The Husbands Role.

Your back!  That's wonderful!  There are few sweeter joys than a renewed marriage.  Sometimes that happens all at once.  Sometimes, one spouse has to take the lead.  While sometimes the wife must be that spouse that temporarily leads, scripture puts complete responsibility for leadership and shepherding of the family on the husband.

That's right men.  Christ set the example for how we are to love and lead our wives.

Check out Ephesians 5:25-27.  "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."

Do Not Abuse Them!

Notice it does not say, be an overbearing brute, commanding obedience, and verbally, if not physically or emotionally abusing her.  

NO!  That man needs a gang of godly men to come over to his house and kick his butt quite frankly.  No really, that kind of man does need to be held accountable via methods of church discipline if he will not receive the wise council of patient and loving, yet firm in the faith, men of God. 

Remember men, if you abuse your wife verbally, physically, or emotionally, especially if she is a believer, you are abusing a member of Christ's church and he will not take kindly to it.  

Harsh Honesty Will Crush Your Wife's Heart!

Colossians 3:19 states, "Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them."  Being harsh doesn't happen only in tone.  There are many thoughts that you have which may represent feelings that seem very real.  These should never be shared with your wife.  

If you are not sure of your feelings toward your wife or you are battling with attractions to other women, etc. these are things that should be hashed out with another trusted brother in the Lord through the word of God.  

If your feelings don't mesh with the word of God, then they are likely sinful, to be taken captive and handed to God to be disposed of.  That is true for all of Christian life.  Just because it feels right does not mean it is right.

Man Up!

Gentlemen.  We need to man up!  We need to stop whining and moaning about every little perceived problem we have, that simply must be all our wives fault.  Even if we are only complaining to ourselves.  

As I said in the first post, I am married and I love my wife very much.  She is my best friend however, my marriage is not perfect. 

For a long time my wife and I fought over lots of things.  Some were important.  Some were not.  The problem is that I was allowing myself to become bitter about the the important, topics that really did matter.  I was constantly angry with my wife, sometimes subconsciously, so that it fed the stupid fights, without me realizing it until it was too late.  Worse yet, I gave myself permission to tear her down verbally as if it was my job to change what I did not like.  Meanwhile, completely missing the acts of sin I was committing against her and God by not being loving, patient, kind and most importantly forgiving in the way I handled my issues with her.  

Remember, "love keeps no record of wrong"(1 Corinthians 13).  I was failing miserably at this.  I had placed zero trust for the unity of my wife and I in the sovereign hands of my Savior.  I acted as if I was totally in control.  

Gratefully, God broke me, shined a light on my own heart and showed me where I was wrong.  He taught me to recognize His grace in MY life and to pray for more of His grace in hers.  We need to recognize that the battle is bigger than us or our wives, take authority in Christ, and pray.  We are practically handing our marriages over without a fight because we do not recognize the spiritual battle and we do not know how to use the weapons that have been given to us.

Marriage is Spiritual Warfare!

Prayer is a powerful weapon that we as husbands do not wield enough.  We must realize that we need to be at war with Satan's attacks on our marriage every day. 

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 states, "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  

This is huge!  If we would simply recognize that many of the ridiculous fights we have with our wives are actually fueled by sin and selfishness, not Christ and righteousness, we would save ourselves and our wives a lot of pain and sorrow.

The Armor of God

Ephesians 6:10-18 lists the Armor of God that is made available to us to stand against the devil's schemes. The belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit.  All of this under-girded by prayer.  So here's the thing about prayer:  

In 1 Peter 7, Peter warns husbands, "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."  

How about that?  If you mistreat your wives it will hinder your prayers, which will impact every other weapon available to you.  

Conversely , if you aren't applying the weapons of holy living, studying the word, knowing and sharing the gospel, building up your faith in these and praying, then you will most likely mistreat your wife because you will be focused on you rather than Jesus.

Humble Yourself!

Humility is key to being a successful leader.  Unfortunately, sometimes the last place we strive for humility is in our marriages and with our children.  

As mentioned above, you must remember the gospel.  In order to remain humble, you must remember what you were like before you were born again.  Before God's grace empowered gospel obedience. When you recognize this, it will create a gratitude in your heart for what Christ has done and a compassion for those who have not yet experienced that.  

Christ does not want us to revel in our grace given successes.  He wants us to be continually driven to the cross.  He wants us to see the flaws of others, most especially our wives, as those things in which they need God to help them overcome, just as we need him to continually help us overcome.  

He wants us to serve them by loving them through the challenges and praying compassionately for them to experience victory.  When you are praying continually for people's spiritual success, it is difficult to remain unloving. 

Wash Them

Christ loved the church by giving himself up for her.  He died to himself.  He humbled himself, becoming nothing, that his church would be made clean.  And how is the church made clean?  By the washing of the word.  Not, the force feeding of the word.  

If husbands would strive to spend real time cultivating an appreciation and application of God's word in the home daily rather than considering their duties done on Sunday morning this would fix many problems.  

Value Your Wife

Proverbs 31:10-12 says, "A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies.  Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."  

Chapter 31 ends stating in verse 28, "her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her."  

verse 31 says, "Give her the reward she has earned and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."  

Be sure of it gentlemen, Ephesians makes it clear that we as husbands are responsible for seeing to it that our wives are able to become everything that this passage in Proverbs 31:10-31 says she can and should be.  

If we show that we find her valuable and encourage our children to do the same by praising her, blessing her, loving her, praying for her, and washing her with the water of the word, 

SHE WILL BLOSSOM!!  

Lead Lovingly, Gently, Carefully, Patiently, Faithfully and Prayerfully

Finally and repetitiously, die to yourself and live for Jesus.  Lead your family.  Wash your wife and your children with the water of the word.  

Do it lovingly and gently just as Christ has done for you or they will likely not respond positively to you.  

Do it carefully as you are capable of building up their hearts....or breaking them. 

Do it patiently, faithfully, and prayerfully. Remember, only God can change their hearts, by the power of the Holy Spirit, as I pray he has yours.  

You are the shepherd of their hearts and souls.  A good shepherd leads and protects his sheep.  Be diligent in your responsibilities, applying the fruit of the Spirit, and trust Jesus(Galatians 5:22-23).

Jesus, the chief shepherd has taken over 2,000 years to get His church ready and He is not done yet because we are still here.  If he is patiently shepherding us that way, then we must apply that same patience in shepherding our own families.  We will give an account for the way we lead them.  If we do our part and trust God to do His, then by His grace, the account will be a good one.

May it be so in Jesus name,

Amen

Wanna Save Your Marriage(Part 3), What is the Gospel?

I am including a post with this title in this series because I realized that in the last post and in posts to come I am using the word gospel as an adjective quite a bit.  Gospel obedience, gospel witness, etc.  The gospel first and foremost however, is a noun.  An eternal story of redemption for a lost and dying world.

So what does this mean.  I said in the last post, as my assessment of the gospel reflection through marriage in Ephesians Ch. 5 that Christ died for the church, and this is true, but it is incomplete and thus insufficient. Every unbeliever needs a complete picture of the gospel and every believer needs to be able to give a complete description of what the gospel is.  Ask yourself, could you do it?  Is your description of our need and God's solution to that need adequate?  Even if you think you know, I ask you the favor of giving ten minutes or less to read through this and consider how it relates to what you think you know.  You may find that you are fine, you may find that you are not.  Wouldn't you like to be sure?

These days if you ask people what the gospel is, it may come out as God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life.  While this is true in a sense, our idea of wonderful and God's idea of wonderful are rarely the same.  More on that at another time.  Let it suffice to say that the "good news" which is what the word "Gospel" means is not that everything will be coming up roses if you follow Jesus.  We live in the world of the "already" and the "not yet".  We will not experience all the benefits of being a child of the King in their fullness until we are living fully in the Kingdom for all eternity where "the King will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."(Revelation 21:4) That is where all the promises come to their complete fruition.

The Gospel in a nutshell.

If we needed a quick summary of the gospel, it might go something like this. While I do not claim this to be a flawless statement by any means I think the gospel can pretty much be succinctly stated in this way, "We are all sinners, who are spiritually dead and damned to hell because of our rejection of God the Father. Because of His great love, He sent His Son to live perfectly and die on the cross, taking all the punishment and guilt for our sin and making his righteousness available to be placed on all who believe as a testimony of what He did.  Victory over sin was then demonstrated when God raised Christ from the dead and He ascended to heaven.  God then, by His grace and through the Holy Spirit, draws men unto himself whom He has already promised as a reward to Christ for His sacrifice. (John 6:37-40, 44, John 17:1-3) He then changes their hearts so that they can have faith to believe, repent from their sins. receive Christ's forgiveness through His shed blood, submit to Christ's Lordship and spread the good news of what Christ did to those whom do not know, here on earth.  This, until the last day, when Christ returns, completes Satan's destruction, and restores the earth to a sinless, perfect state where all who's names are written in the book of life will enjoy a perfect, sinless, happy life with no sorrow or suffering, and glorifying God for all eternity."(Revelation 20:7-15, 21:1-7)  The unbeliever, because of their willful disobedience and rejection of the truth,  will find their place in the fiery lake of burning sulfur.  This is the second death for those whose names were not written in the book of life. (Revelation 21:8) 

Something of this nature could be a really quick, basic rendition of the gospel if you only had a minute or two to explain it.  However, I truly think a more thorough fleshing out of this summary is good for us to think through in our day to day struggles with sin.

What we need to understand, learn to fully appreciate and strive to remember every day is that we cannot get to that glorious day without the gift of God's grace being poured out in our lives.  We need to remember who we were, before Christ, if we are saved; and we need to know who we are, without Christ, if we are not.  Though the same truth of the gospel is explained in many different ways throughout the New Testament, I will stay with the book of Ephesians primarily to flesh this out.

In Ephesians 2:1-10, Paul beautifully lays out our spiritual state before and after Christ, the means by which it came about, and the purpose for it.  I will strive to expose the truths and leave the reading of the entire passage to you.  If you have a bible, I encourage you to look it up.  I will address this, as to believers, as Paul did, but you must understand that, if you are not a follower of Christ, this is true of you RIGHT NOW!

We were dead! (Ephesians 2:1-4)
Paul explains that our transgressions and sins made us spiritually dead  We were servants of Satan.
Romans 5:12 states "Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man (Adam), and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned."  Now, when you are dead, are you capable of anything on your own?  Of course not.  You are a stinking corpse.  There is no life in you. That was our state without Christ.

We were objects of wrath! (Ephesians 2:3)
Everything we did was done from a selfish motivation to satisfy the cravings of our sinful nature.  Because we rejected God, disobeying him  to serve our own purposes we were subject to having God's wrath poured upon us(Romans 1:18-20, 2:5-11).  His holiness, cannot tolerate our sinfulness.

What about all the good I've done?
I want to take a moment to address this question?  Romans 3:9-20 is the answer to that question and to those who might challenge the need to use the law to make people aware of their sin.  Romans 3:9-18 makes it plain that there is nothing good about us in the eyes of God.  There is absolutely nothing that we can do that will gain us favor in the eyes of God. Isaiah 64:6 states that "all our righteous acts are like filthy rags".  These righteous acts are actually self-righteous acts performed out of the motivation of our own feeling of goodness or for our own benefit. There is nothing we can do inherently, of ourselves, to be saved. No matter how many good deeds you have done in this life, without Christ's work on the cross, you will go to hell!  Vs. 20 plainly states that it is through the law that we become conscious of our sinfulness against God.

Good News!
I will start with Romans 3:21-26 which basically says that though we are all guilty of sin and thus fall short of God's glory, through Christ redemptive act we are freely justified by God's grace.  Christ lived the perfect, sinless life, then went to the cross and bore the weight of our sinfulness.  All of the Holy wrath that God has toward sin and sinners was poured out on Jesus so that those who will believe on Him should not perish but have everlasting life(John 3:16).  Christ's righteousness, is placed on the believer, not making them sinless, but removing the guilt of their sin forever.  This is the point at which sins are forgiven, through Christ's blood and by God's grace(Ephesians 1:7-8).

But you cant' do it!
Now to return to Ephesians 2:4-9.  In this passage Paul makes it clear that, because of God's love for those whom He chooses to save(Ephesians 1:4-6), HE makes us alive with Christ, even though we were dead.  Ephesians 2:8-9 is a quintessential verse in helping us understand this.  It says, "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God, not by works, lest any man should boast.  Without God regenerating us.  Without God making us alive, by His grace, we are incapable of making a decision to have faith and believe.  You see, we must have faith to believe and confess Jesus Christ as Lord(Romans 10:8-13).  However, that faith, while essentially our first act of obedience, is also a gift of grace.

Good works.
Finally, in Ephesians 2:10, Paul makes it clear that we are not saved just to sit back and enjoy the good life. We have a job to do.  He states, "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."   What do these works look like?  First and foremost they are confession of sin and repentance from sin.  Confession of sin leads to forgiveness(1 John 1:8-9).  Repentance is the obvious fruit of a changed heart.  Repentance is evidenced when our hearts desire is to turn from the things of this world that are offensive to God and do not bring him glory and begin pursuing obedience to His word.  This is a lifelong process but we will continue in it if we are truly saved
(Matthew 24:12-13, 2 Peter 1:5-11).

What does this have to do with marriage?
EVERYTHING!  In every aspect of our lives, we are supposed to walk out self-sacrificing love, sharing the Gospel with the world, making disciples, and teaching them all the things that Christ commanded(Matthew 18-20). Not only that, but we are supposed to do these things in our marriages.  Our spouses and children are the front line of missions if we are married.  We are to put each other first, being living examples of Christ's love and building each other up in the most holy faith as you do the same for yourselves(1 Thessalonians 5:11, Jude 1:20).

You are not alone!
But you cannot expect to do it by yourself.  You must remain aware of your need for God's grace to empower everything that you do.  This is what Paul means in Philippians 2:12-13 when he says, "continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose".  He does not save you and then leave you to walk righteously under your own power.  He enables every act of obedience.  So when you are feeling weak, then pray.  Ask God for strength and wisdom.  He gives that freely to all who ask(James 1:5).

All of this is fleshed out so that when I refer to the Gospel as an adjective, describing the motivation of our actions, you will remember that is also a noun.  It is the redemptive story that is the power of God unto salvation(Romans 1:16).  Without understanding that, you will not be able to appropriately apply the rest.

I know some don't like what I have to say, think it is too long some times, etc.  I do not know the purpose for God laying this on my heart, or creating me to blog in the style that I do.  However,  I do know that if only one life is changed for all eternity, or one marriage is saved in this temporal life that we live in the here and now because of what I am writing in these posts, it will have been worth it.  I get nothing out of this except the satisfaction that I am obeying God in this moment and the hope that He uses it to glorify himself in the lives of others.  Even if you don't have time or the desire to read everything I write, please pray for marriages that are struggling and souls that are lost and look for opportunities to share the good news of the gospel with them, that God would make His love known to them.

Thank you for your time and prayers.

Sincerely,

Josh

Marriage, a reflection of the Gospel(Part 2)

So glad you came back!
I so desperately want to encourage you to fight for your marriage if it is in trouble or improve it, if it needs work.  There is not a marriage in the world that does not have room for improvement, including my own. Nor is there a marital issue in the world that God cannot help you overcome.  As I stated before, I have heard many a testimony of failing marriages renewed and divorced marriages restored. That's right, you can be on the road to divorce or already there and still have a shot at happiness with that same spouse. 

I heard of one pastor counseling a couple this way.  Marriage is not 50/50 or even 100/100.   If the husband is struggling to give 75% effort then the wife's job is to help pick up the slack and give 125% and vice versa.  Keeping in mind always that both partners need God's grace to carry them through whatever is required.  I thought that was a fairly accurate and applicable way to look at the teamwork aspect of marriage, practically.  Not bad, but lacking, without a greater purpose for their effort that goes beyond themselves.   Let's look at one of the primary reasons that God finds successful marriages important and what his idea of successful teamwork looks like, spiritually.

Scriptural Emphasis on Unity
Ephesians is a wonderful book for so many reasons.  Really, the first three chapters and the first half of the fourth are loaded with truths of how we are made alive in Christ and the oneness that we have in Christ.  The last half of chapter four continuing through chapter six are about application.  The idea being this.  Now that we are made alive and unified in Christ, everything about our lives is to be a representation of the gospel of Christ made living and active in our lives.

Ephesians 5:22-6:18 pairs different examples of submission and authority in relationships that were typical in the home in Paul's day with the absolute necessity for spiritual armor.  I will not go into the spiritual armor here, but suffice it to say that I believe it is essential to these relationships being loving; and representing a healthy application of spiritual authority and submission to that authority.  Not only that, but  that this spiritual armor, which is girded up by prayer, is necessary to a successful individual representation of the gospel of Jesus Christ in the world at large.

Scriptural Basis for the Gospel in Marriage

Now, as I am dealing with the issue of marriage my primary text for at least the next two posts will be Ephesians 5:22-33.  Once you read it, you will realize that it speaks to submission and authority as it applies to husband and wife. Though the text begins with wives, I will speak to husbands first, as I am a husband and I believe that the husband bears the load of the responsibility for the spiritual direction of the marriage and family.

The overall gist of the passage is this, Marriage is a reflection of the Gospel! as stated in
Ephesians 5:32. Wives are first asked, in this passage, to submit to their husbands as to the Lord.  Just as the church is expected to submit to Christ.  The reason that the church should want to, and is expected to submit to Christ is because Christ gave himself up for the church.  He died that they might live.  This is what husbands are expected to do.  They are not expected to defend themselves or command obedience.  Rather, they are expected to exhibit sacrificial love, even if in the face of perceived or actual rejection by their wives. They are expected to die to themselves.  If this is being done appropriately, then it will be much easier for wives to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord.  Over time, they will want to because of the sacrificial love that they see being exhibited by their husbands.

Unconditional Obedience to Christ

However, I would like to point out that this scripture passage does not say, wives, submit to your husbands as long as they are doing their part in succumbing to your every desire or not making a decision unless you agree with them..  Nor does it say, husbands, love your wives sacrificially only if they are submitting properly and showing you respect at all times.  

NO!  Christ died for us, while we were yet sinners(Romans 5:8).  It was an unconditional love, not contingent on whether we deserved it or not.  Consequently, both commands are expected to be obeyed by either party, in spite of the other's apparent disobedience.  This, as an act of obedience to Christ, not each other. It is to be done "as unto the Lord".  However, it is certainly much easier for each spouse to do their part when the other is doing theirs.

If we do not do this, we are selfishly hindering the gospel representation that is intended by the marriage covenant.  We are acting in direct, willful disobedience to Christ, which, I might point out, is the very definition of sin.

If unbelievers would get a hold of the truth of what Christ did for them at the cross, surrender their lives to His Lordship, and apply those gospel truths to their marriage it would revolutionize the divorce rate in America.

If believers would get a hold of these same truths and apply them to their marriages, it would revolutionize the divorce rate at least among the Christian population.  We should be competing to give affection,  not competing to receive it.  Our first gospel witness should always be to our spouses.  My prayer is that a fleshing out of these roles will help toward a greater understanding of how the selfishness of divorce, and the things that often cause it, directly impact the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Hang with me,

Josh

Wanna Save Your Marriage? (Part 1) An Introduction

HELLO!
When I was was in college and shortly there after, there were a number of us whom for one reason or another, and some much earlier than we would have liked than others, found ourselves married.  Of those, I only know of a couple of marriages that are still in tact. Different influences, some more legitimate than others, destroyed those marriages and it is still happening today. I am sick of it.  Yet, I have also heard many a testimony of failing marriages renewed and divorced marriages restored. That's right, you can be on the road to divorce or already there and still have a shot at happiness with that same spouse.

This may seem a little long, but I beg of you to stick with me.  It is an intro or overview of sorts, that will be a multi-post topic and the other posts should be shorter. The sanctity of marriage has been under attack for some time and the enemy is not letting up.  If it does not mean much to you, you have only lost maybe ten minutes.  If it speaks to you, it could mean a not perfect, but stronger marriage for the rest of your life.  I pray, by God's grace, that the second will be true for you.  Keep reading, pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaassssse!

Is the commitment real?
Here's the thing.  We live in a post-modern age and culture that has become so increasingly relativistic that you don't need to commit to much of anything.  Truth is relative.  Right and wrong are relative.  Everything is acceptable because everyone is entitled to their own view and beliefs.  Whether it has any substance behind it or not.  Do what  feels good.  Do what makes you happy.  Thus, well before gay marriage was an issue we were throwing away heterosexual marriage.  If couples were marrying at all, statistics show that upwards of fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce and that this number is almost as true of the "church" as it is of the world.  That of course presumes that everyone in the church who got divorced was a "true convert" and should have known better.  I would venture a guess that many who would argue against same-sex marriage are divorced and did not try nearly hard enough to save their opposite-sex marriage.
We have got to fight harder for commitment to God and our spouse in marriage.

God is a fan of marriage!
Before I go any further, I want to clarify that my goal is not to beat up those whom have gotten divorced nor is it to assume that every divorce is unjustified.  My goal is to challenge  those who are thinking about divorce or maybe even simply feel stuck in a marriage that they are committed to on principle, but miserable in.  In  these cases, often times if you are committed and really trying to stick it out, someone is asking you why, telling you your spouse is not worth it, and that you deserve better. Taking your side on every gripe you have.  Hearing that kind of thing makes it even harder.  My first suggestion would be to change your council.  You will not succeed if you continue to listen to that.  Second, make no mistake, GOD IS A FAN OF MARRIAGE.  When asked about divorce in Matthew 19:3-9 Jesus makes it very clear what his stance is regarding divorce and what His definition of marriage is.  It goes like this:

Some Pharisees came to him to test him.  They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"  "Haven't you read", he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'?  So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"

Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard.  But it was not this way from the beginning.  I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery. 

Divorce is an attack on Christ's glory!
If you have been divorced, then you know how much it hurts, know matter how justified you think it was.  I would ask you to stick with me and perhaps you will hear something that will encourage you, should you ever be married again or even if you are already remarried.  You may also hear something that you can use to help others to save their marriages rather than encouraging them to abandon them.  As I said, my goal hear is to deal with the self-absorbed culture that we live in and the stinkin thinkin that plagues our attitudes toward marriage today..  In a sense I am attacking divorce itself, not any one divorcee.  So please know that while I may be direct at times and the truth may be tough to hear, that I am genuinely writing these posts out of love and because I am tired of seeing so many people hurt and failing in their marriage.  To say nothing of the glory that is stolen from God by divorce.  Marriage is intended to be a representation of Christ's relationship with the church(Ephesians 5:32).  Every time a marriage fails, it puts a blemish on the pure and blameless relationship that Christ has with His church.

Marriage is hard.
My marriage is not perfect.  I have been married to my beautiful wife for twelve years and we dated for six years.  We did not have the perfect relationship before we got married and we don't have it now.  The truth is, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.  Even for Christians, only one side of the relationship is handled perfectly and it is NOT the human side.  There is also no such thing as an easy relationship. Marriage can be really difficult.  You may even think, "it's not worth it" or "I don't have time for this".  Any relationship takes a lot of work to sustain, especially a marriage.  It is challenging because we are imperfect beings prone to selfishness and unforgiveness.  This selfishness and unforgiveness, if unchecked, creates strife in many ways because we are putting ourselves before our spouse.  We are often holding on to past offenses or wounds in the relationship which creates bitterness and resentment.

Christ gave his life as an eternal commitment!
If you are a believer who's marriage is struggling and you are battling with wounds and offenses, I invite you to consider something.  Consider the grace that was poured out on you when Christ saved you.  Were you perfect?  Were you not offensive?  Were your sins not responsible for the death of God's only Son on the cross?  If you are not a believer then the same is true of you.  You are imperfect, offensive, and guilty of rejecting God the Father and crucifying God the Son.

But consider this.  Romans 5:8 states this, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  This is true for the unsaved sinner and the sinner saved by grace. The difference is, as a believer, you are called to recognize this great love demonstrated for you and, by God's grace, demonstrate that same self-sacrificial love to your spouse. God committed to those he saves for eternity knowing full well they were still going to struggle with sin and disobedience, remaining imperfect until we are glorified in eternity.  We owe our spouses no less.

Good News!
If you are an unbeliever let me share with you, perhaps for the first time, or as a believer let me remind you, of the most wonderful news.  There is an answer to the dilemma of divorce.  There is a love that knows no limits for you or your spouse.  It loves you through all your failures no matter how big, small, or multitudinous they may be.  This love does not give up and is always faithful.  This love is always unselfish(1 Corinthians 13).

It is the love of the cross.  The love that Jesus showed when he gave up a perfect, heavenly dwelling to come clothe himself in this jar of clay.  This earthen vessel of flesh that is broken from the moment it enters this world.  The difference is that the flesh isn't the only thing that is broken in our case.  Our souls and spirits are broken from day one.  Genesis 8:21 says God knows that "every inclination of our heart is evil from childhood".  We are not able to make one pure decision that is pleasing to God from the day we are born.  We are prone to selfishness and self preservation from day one.

PRAISE GOD that Jesus came into this world perfect and remained that way until His death on the cross(1 Peter 2:22, 1 John 3:5).  He was tempted in every way and remained without sin(Hebrews 4:15).  He committed the most unselfish act ever committed when He lived the perfect life that we cannot live and then died the death that we all deserve.  He achieved for us what we could never do on our own so that we could have unity with the Father and the opportunity to spend eternal life with Him in glory.  Not only that.  He sent the Holy Spirit to come and dwell in us and with us in order to regenerate our dead souls, justify us by faith, and enable us to be sanctified, which is to be changed from glory to glory(2 Corinthians 3:18).

Something is wrong!
So why is all this important?  It is important because if you are struggling in your marriage and feel that you are incapable of loving your spouse then you need this love.  If you feel you have nothing left to give then you need Jesus to give through you.  As a believer it is difficult because you must maintain a healthy relationship with Jesus in order to truly love your spouse appropriately.  If you are not a Christian then you are trying to give something to your spouse that you do not have.  In fact you have never experienced it.  Unconditional, self-sacrificial love.  That, ONLY comes from Jesus.  Any love that is given out of your own efforts will be flawed and quite likely run out at some point out.  For the believer, in that moment of weakness, when we feel we have nothing left to give, that is when the love of Christ shines through(2 Corinthians 12:9-10).  If that is not happening for you then you need to evaluate your relationship with Christ.  I am not saying that you are not saved however, something is wrong!

I am going to strive to flesh out biblically based thoughts paired with personal experience to work all this together in a way that I pray will be a blessing and will draw you into a relationship with Christ that makes loving your spouse through the difficult times that much easier to do.  I am probably going to do it over at least 3 posts, if not more, because I don't want to sell this short and I still need to try to do it in digestible portions.  So stick with me and see where I go with it.  Even if you are skeptical you may find a blessing in it that you weren't expecting.  Jesus loves you and He wants your marriage to succeed!

I love you all very much which is why I put myself out there on difficult subjects knowing I may have critics.  I believe that your joy and eternal well being is worth the time and effort it takes to do this and worth the risk of criticism.  Hope to see you back.

Josh

Olympus Has Fallen

So a few days ago I got a discount to Redbox to rent a movie.  I had been intrigued to watch Olympus Has Fallen, so I got it.   There have been a few movies that I have had the opportunity to watch recently via different means.  Unfortunately, contrary to my very real convictions about the unholy nature of much that is in  movies and TV these days, I have had a period of weakness where curiosity, about movies unseen or not seen in a long time, has gotten the best of me.  I was reminded afresh,with every movie that I watched, why I have that conviction.

There has not been one movie of late, with a rating of R or even PG-13, that has not been all together trivializing of sin and not glorifying to God.  Now, I know what you are going to say.  It's just make believe, it's not real.  It's not like I'm gonna use these words or go out and kill people or have gratuitous sex just because I saw it somewhere.

Ok, how about this?  Can you honestly say that, while you are watching a movie involving many people dying in a horrible scene of murderous terror that you think, "many of those people are probably going to hell"!  Can you honestly say that you are burdened for the lost in these fictional stories.  The typical response, "COME ON JOSH, THAT'S JUST A BUNCH OF LEGALISTIC, RELIGIOUS HOGWASH!  IT'S MAKE-BELIEVE HELLO!

That's the point.  THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT SATAN'S GOAL IS!  We have movies making piracy, lust and drunkenness look fun(Pirates of the Caribbean), kids killing each other as a game(Hunger Games), witchcraft(Harry Potter), glorification of homosexuality, fornication or even adultery(you name the romantic comedy or comedy in general),  stories about living dead(any zombie flick or show), or horrific scenes of mass death with tons of murder and profanity(Olympus, and most other action flicks these days), then there is REALITY TV, and the list could go on. Satan's goal is to numb us.  To dumb down our spiritual discernment so that not only are we not bothered by these things in media, we are also less affected by them in the real world.  He wants to kill our witness for Christ.  This witness that is the only purpose for which we are left on this earth.  To let our light so shine, thus drawing others toward the Father through the Son. 

It's not as if the bulk of Christianity is tearing down walls to pursue souls saved anyway.  Even if there is a piece of us that wants to.  Now, we choose to ignore that piece of reality altogether and escape into fictional stories where it is not even an issue.  Where the people are not real thus, neither are their souls.  Do you ever stop and think that if the people in the movie died for real in the state they were in that they would probably go to hell? 

Listen,  I have been struggling here lately and I already have this conviction.  So I understand that it can be a battle.  The trouble is that for many it is not even a thought, much less a struggle.

Here is the primary problem.  My concerns are not religious mambo-jumbo, they are scriptural.  Let's take for example, Psalm 101:3-4 which says, "I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless.  I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me.  A perverse heart shall be far from me; I will know nothing of evil".  That pretty well speaks for itself.  It has been set before us in scripture as an example of how to live before God.

Then there is Galatians 5:16-25.  In vs. 22-25 you have a list of the fruit of the Spirit so that we will know what it looks like to walk by the Spirit.  Before this in vs 19-21 you have listed the works of the flesh.  Actions that vs. 17 states are against the Spirit: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these.  It is plainly stated that THOSE WHO DO SUCH THINGS WILL NOT INHERIT THE KINGDOM OF GOD! 

How many of these works of the flesh are glorified in the TV and movies that you watch?  So WHY are you or I watching them?  Why do we fight so hard for the right to watch things that are in direct opposition to the Spirit of God?  Things whom, if the people practicing them in the media venue died and could go to hell, they would.  The bible says so.  How many people do you know in real life that are practicing these works of the flesh?  Do you ever think that they are going to go to hell if they die in that state?  Does that burden you?  It should? 

The reality is that most people who are painted as "good people" in movies or TV are actually "good people" who are lost.  You can usually tell it by the way they live their lives or even by life philosophies that are fleshed out through their scripted lines.  The problem with that, is that it normalizes goodness in spite of sin.  You could even say that normalizes sin all together.  Most stories do.  If the truth be told, many good people that we know in reality today would go to hell as well based on the fruit of their lives.  If we really believe what the bible says then that should make us sad and create an urgency for the eternal lives of the lost.

Here is one more scripture. It is known as the Philippians 4:8 test. "Finally brothers, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise,  think on these things".  All of things are expected to be held up against the effects and standards of the gospel, not human ideals as they relate.  We need to to consider a G rating for everything that we see and hear.  G as in God or Gospel.  Shucks, if you wouldn't let your 5-10 year old watch it then it is probably not something that we as adults should be watching.  It is sad but true.  Enough said.

I cannot say that I walk this out perfectly all the time.  However, the more I meditate on the words of life that are in scripture; the more the gospel begins to permeate my soul; the more these truths begin to invade everything that I do, including what I watch and how I watch it. God is not commanding us not to ever watch TV or enjoy a movie.  Nor am I.  That would be legalistic based on scripture.  However, God does expect us to be so saturated in His word and the message of the gospel that it informs everything else that we do.

I want to be clear that I am not advocating this line of thought as a means by which to gain favor with God or to earn or secure our salvation.  If we are Christians, we are saved by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone, for the glory of God alone.  Our favor with God comes through Christ's blood.  The bible does make it clear however, that the Holy Spirit, who is a member of the Trinity thus He is God, can be grieved or pleased by the way we walk out our Christian lives(Ephesians 4:30).   We are responsible to live lives worthy of the gospel(Philippians 1:27, Colossians 1:10).

If however, you find that you think I am over the top and you have absolutely no interest in considering the point I am making here then there is a problem.  I cannot say that you are not a Christian because I am not  God.  I will however challenge you to examine yourselves and see if you are in the gospel
(2 Corinthians13:5).   Hardness of heart toward biblical truths are serious business.  You may have had an excuse if you had never thought these things through but once you are exposed to the truth, it should cause contemplation, prayer, and eventually repentance.

My desire is not just that we would all not watch ungodly material.  My desire is that we would so desire the glory of God; that we would so desire to find our joy and satisfaction in Jesus, pursuing holiness and Christ-likeness, that the thoughts presented here would not be a big deal   That this passion and love for Jesus and His gospel would drive us to desire souls saved and God glorified and cause us to lay down the TV remote, pick up our bibles, and start seeing the lost world right in front of us every day.

May it be so in Jesus name,

Amen

Confessions of a Conflicted Blogger

Ok.  It's time for one of those moments of vulnerability.  The kind you typically have with those you hold in closest confidence.  Those whom you trust most not to stomp all over your tender heart when you bear your soul about inadequacies and struggles that are raging on the inside. 

So why would I do that with the potential that it may be read by people whom don't know me well, could judge me, and who potentially, couldn't care less about my vulnerabilities?  

Because I blog about the most precious commodity that money CAN'T buy.  It is more precious than any jewel or loved one that can be found in this lifetime.  I blog about the Gospel of Jesus Christ; the power of God unto salvation.  When your blog is centered around the Gospel it brings the potential for posts about every possible area of life that the bible impacts.  This is because the bible holds the entire narrative surrounding the need for the Gospel as well as every implication of the impact that the Gospel should have on our existence. 

I don't want anything about me or my message to hinder the impact that I can have for this wonderful truth.  If that means addressing controversial issues, so be it.  If it means bearing my soul about my own struggles and shortcomings, then may it be so in Jesus name.  I have done plenty of posting about my convictions regarding the truths of the bible, how they apply, and why they are necessary.  Before I do any more of that however, I want to be perfectly honest about some challenges I have been experiencing.  I have confessions to make.

Pride
I have struggled with pride regarding this blog though not from the beginning.  I have found though, that in the last two or three months I have struggled significantly.  I made the announcement that I was going to strive to write shorter posts more often.  That was challenging to begin with.  Any of you who know me know that I am not built to be short winded.  I am detailed in my expression, not wanting to miss anything that may have an impact on the point I am trying to make.  So my pride has taken a hit because I have not been able to figure out how to do this consistently.  I am not sure that I made that commitment for the right reasons to begin with.  

Recognition
This has also been driven by pride.  When I first began blogging, I received more feedback than I do these days.  I also paid less attention to the visit count.  Yes, there is a counter that tells me how many times the blog page is visited.   I never used to care about it but for some reason, lately, I have been watching it and becoming discouraged.  This is silly for many reasons, one of which is that people whom receive this by email don't even have to go to the page to read the post.  So it does not make sense and up until recently I had never cared.  I have begun finding my validation in my readers rather than my Jesus. 

Ungratefulness
One of my biggest problems, that I believe fuels all the rest, is that of a lack of gratitude for the opportunity to have an outlet to express my convictions to begin with.  Whether anyone reads it or not, I am able to practice fleshing out my thoughts and exercising my expression through this tool.  But that is not the only reason I do it, which leads to another struggle that I long to overcome, fear.

Fear of man
Blogging is not a cop-out for witnessing face to face.  I have experienced some challenges courtesy of putting my thoughts out into the "virtual" world. My passion for God's word and my desire to express it has brought some friction in areas of my day to day walk as well as a heightened since of accountability.  All of this I am grateful for.  However while I am not known as one to hide my faith, as people of bold speech go regarding sharing the gospel with your neighbor etc, I struggle significantly.  I battle with the fear of rejection or being judged.  I don't share the gospel with people face to face the way I do on this blog and that has got to change.  I don't always obey my Heavenly Father in faith the way I should and that also has to change.  It represents a lack of confidence in God's promise to finish what He starts.  I am the sower, He is the reaper.  I must strive to sow seeds of truth in love and leave the watering and growth to God.  Pray that I would trust Him more.

Fear of God
If I had a proper fear of God.  A holy reverence.  If I really believe what I preach.  If I believe that the bible says that those who do not believe on Jesus and live a life of repentance that evidences a pursuit of holiness and a submission to His Lordship are going to an eternity apart from Him that will involve an eternal burning torment like nothing they have ever known, then I will tell them about it.  If I really love them; if I really believe that God loves them and that Jesus died, paying the price for their sins, then I will shout it from the rooftops.

So what is the answer?
Obviously, God does not expect us to have a perfect handle on holy servitude, as it were, before we start striving to obey him and share him with others.  We are justified through grace alone, by faith alone, in Christ alone and I have no doubt that I am justified.  I am in pursuit of holiness and desire to be made as close to perfect as is possible before I get to heaven.  The challenge we face is in remembering that sanctification is a lifelong process and that we must desire to work hard at it while never forgetting that only God's sanctifying grace enables any changes that occur(1 Corinthians 15:10).  Thus, we must not make excuses for our continual struggle with sin and yet, we must never lose site of the victory that we already have in Christ.  A proper understanding of this victory helps us to battle the guilt and condemnation that sin and Satan try to put on us to slow us down in the fight.  We must always remember that "there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"(Romans 8:1)  Conviction by the Holy Spirit is healthy and helps us to stay the course.  Condemnation is of the devil and has no place in the life of a believer.

Pray!
In Ephesians 6:19-20, even the Apostle Paul asked for prayer that he would proclaim the Gospel boldly as he ought. So please pray for me.  Pray that I would step into bolder action by grace, through faith in obeying my Lord and Savior more faithfully in every area of my life.  Pray that I would forget what is behind and press on toward the high calling in Christ Jesus(Philippians 3:13-14).

As it regards this blog.  I am going to strive to be whom God created me to be.  I will post as often as I can and feel so directed. Some posts will be shorter, some longer.  Some will be more controversial than others.  I will strive not to think any longer about how anyone responds to it or if they even read it at all.  I want to impact peoples lives, but only the Holy Spirit can use what I write to do that.  So I will be faithful to write and strive to leave the rest to God. 

I hope you haven't minded my honesty or detail.  More than anything I want people to understand that I don't proclaim the truth as one who has overcome all things and is now telling everyone else to do the same.  NO!  I struggle with sin, every second of every minute of every day!  I am just like you in that regard.  As Paul said, those things I don't want to do, I do.  Those things I want to do, I don't do.  But thanks be to God that He has delivered me from this wretched body of death(Romans 7:21-25).  I have a glorious eternity free from sin, sickness, sadness, guilt, or shame to look forward to.  In the mean time, my goal is to satisfy the instruction of the Lord in sharing the Gospel, to pursue a life of holiness and to impact the lives of others for the glory of God. 

He is Mighty! He is Glorious! He is Worthy!  I pray that both you and I would live lives worthy of the Gospel!  Thank you for your ears, eyes, and hearts.  Let's go into battle, lifting each other up in prayer.

In Jesus name,

Amen!